Acceptance

I haven't written in a while
Can't really explain why
Some of the reasons I write are

• to avoid a binge
• to work through a feeling
• to document a breakthrough
• to have a place to dump what's in my brain

Guess I haven't really needed any of those things lately

Which...can be seen as a good thing :-)

I turned 38 this past weekend

No, I don't feel any older

We're getting closer to the finishing touches on the living room...I'm am uber excited about this fact

My 'design' self has had a chance to flex her idea muscles and it feels glorious

I've come to a place of acceptance with my size

It's not a bad thing

or an "I'm settling thing"

It's just where I am

It doesn't bother me to buy bottoms that are XL or to start with L tops rather than Mediums

(mind you...I'm talking summer clothes here, not an entire wardrobe of shopping)

I even bought a bathing suit without thinking or blinking twice.

Acceptance is good

“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” William James

I start a new kind of therapy next week ...and I'm back to group this week too (due to a hiatus at school).

I am quite excited about the new form of therapy...it's mostly used with those who suffer from PTSD and should be able to help me unlock the disconnect between my brain and my good monster. Yes, I'm still nervous about it...but as my therapist said last week, "You've already lived through it, so you don't have to be afraid."

School is to Food still exists

This week it crept up on me because I FORGOT that I have a Monday night class 

so I didn't have time to fret about it

our campus has moved...so there is no fast food between work and school (bonus)

and hopefully this new therapy will help me unlock the 'is to' portion and move on

These days, I'm feeling good

Marriage is good

Family is good

House is good

Nothing is perfect...and that is good

Ahhh I've missed writing

I look forward to reading your thoughts

more soon...off to finish painting a wall

xo

Shaking in my sneakers

Okay it comes as no surprise to me, nor should it to you...I'm scared about tomorrow
I intended to run a 5K back in October, got a couple sponsors, downloaded a podcast...4 weeks in my IT band was screaming and I stopped training

I intended to run THIS 5K tomorrow
Paid the registration fee, downloaded a new podcast
2 weeks in my IT band was screaming and I had to slow down
I decided I could walk it (gasp, that was a HUGE decision) it's a RACE not a stroll, dear.
So I've been walking on the treadmill, and swimming/running laps in the pool
Coming to terms with the fact that WALKING a 5K is still a big deal.
It's a "Princess" 5K so I'm even wearing a Tiara (that's my Babsness peeking out)

But this week I started wondering if I could finish it in time
You have to maintain a 16 min mile pace or better in order to get a completion medal (there are no top honors...everyone who crosses in time gets a medal.
If you can't do that you're a louse.
What if I CAN'T do that.

Well...considering I've signed up before, and paid before...actually SHOWING up would be an improvement from my previous attempts.

So I go to pick up my number this afternoon
My hub and mini me are coming with me tomorrow morning
I'll do my very best
and be proud that I did

ohhhhhh THAT hit a visceral nerve!







I've been a bit snacky today...I've stayed on plan just been munching my food each time I take a break (every hr) which isn't how I normally do it.

Listen body,
Tomorrow we're going to go for a walk, just you and me
Yeah there will be other people there...they may choose to go slower or faster than we do, but that doesn't matter. We'll do the best we can and it will feel great...you remember that awesome 'zappy electric' feeling we get in our legs after we've walked the dogs? Yeah that! And there will be cool stuff to look at because we're 'walking around the world' at Epcot. So, the view will be good, I'm sure the music will rock and we're sure to see some interesting characters (human and costumed!).
Can we run one of these someday, maybe...would I like to, yeah but if you're not okay with that we can find something else to do. We've both enjoyed being in the pool as of late, and we know we love yoga so why don't we do that anymore?

It's okay if tomorrow doesn't work out the way I originally thought it would. I don't think my original thoughts were very realistic anyway...yeah, anyone CAN run a 5K, and someday I might
Tomorrow, I'm honoring my body
Tomorrow, I'm honoring a goal that I set for myself
Tomorrow, I'm saying NO to JOAN!

photo credit