It's a Day

It's 4 days until I start my period
It's the first day of my next class (I've been off for 2 weeks)
It's the 4th day of upheaval and controversy at work
...today I have the munchies, I want something cold (but not frozen), squishy and creamy and sweet.
My body was wanting to hit a drive through on the way to class
I drove straight to school instead
My body thought to grab some cash for the vending machine at school
I didn't.

I only grabbed four!

I did grab a few mints from the candy dish in the lobby
they're not cold, squishy or creamy
but I am happy that I paid attention and was cautious

STOP

Yesterday it was this....

This morning it's these...

Nearest I can figure I'm popping sugar to get rid of this headache...gotta love a menstrual migraine coz NOTHING gets rid of them

Did you read that Babs? Nothing, not even the sugar so STOP!

There, that should help

It's been months since I let the breakroom woo me

I still have a headache but I'll deal

better than having a headache AND a guiltache!

Joan has been awkwardly silent lately...

...so I don't eat

I'm going to go to bed soon...so I don't eat

but I write so I don't eat...so I'll do some of that first
I guess there are a lot of reasons why I might WANT to eat
my hub is snowboarding
i'm premenstrual
the condition of my house is bugging me (probably because i'm premenstrual and my hub is snowboarding)
i submitted a presenter application for 3 workshops at an upcoming weekend conference
ACK

I didn't really have any problems typing up my application and tweaking my resume (although I do need a presenter's resume...not an job hunt resume...maybe after I can add these 3 to my list of accomplishments I'll do that...)
I made a plan with my bff and gave myself a deadline of tonight.
She very kindly reminded me that today was Wednesday...submission d-day
and I knew when the sun went down, the laptop opened.

I did it
I even posted a FB status about it
and somewhere inside I'm nervous about it
so I'm thinking about the rice crackers I have in the pantry
of course I tell myself I'm not thinking about the boxful...just a few
but I'm telling myself OUT LOUD that I'm not having any and just going to bed
because even if it didn't turn into a binge or an indulgence...it would be a food soothe because I'm really not needing/wanting food for nourishment
so I just need to sleep
but that's hard
because the hub is snowboarding
sigh

So instead, I'll think about presenting this June
Two theatrical interpreting workshops and a yoga workshop for interpreters
Sharing what I've learned and put into practice, sharing what works for me, learning what works for others and networking

Yeah...networking
although I don't know that I want to go on the interpreting workshop circuit
I do know that I want to be teaching/presenting/mentoring in some capacity (actually...more about authenticity and finding self) Isn't that ironic. So this foray into the presenting world in more than just my backyard is a good step for me.

I don't need to eat something because I'm proud of an accomplishment. You haven't accomplished anything yet.  There is the potential for a binge here...but thankfully, I have enough people who 'know' that I can turn to that I think I can keep the counter rolling.

I also promise to be cognizant of any other sabotaging behavior
I have a biology test next Tuesday to study for
I have a concert coming up in a couple of weeks to prep for
I have a garden I'd like to work on this week
oh yes, and there is my 5K week after next

all of these are things I might 'passively kill' in order to avoid the accomplishment
but now you know about them
I don't have to do any of them perfectly...but I will do all of them.

photo credit

need.more.food.

That's how I've felt lately
I've not gone outside of my food plan
But I feel like I need to eat more
I haven't been depriving or denying myself when i'm hungry

just a minute ago I had some yogurt with a banana and a tablespoon of roasted peanuts and some cinnamon.
and it was good.
I used almost half of my weekly allowance points over the weekend
some wine on Friday
made some great (gluten free, whole food) dips for my bro's b'day party
and aforementioned banana treat

I don't foresee the rest of this week being bad...Friday night was an anomaly, out with friends
my bro doesn't have a birthday every week ...so things should be good
But I FEEL like I need more food
strike that
I feel like I want more food
I am 2 days away from p-day so hormones ARE a factor
my bronchitis is NOT getting better so the chances of me and the treadmill having quality time this week are about nil...

So I'm loving myself with tea and herbal ointment
I'm getting up in the morning and treating my body to some yoga
some deep, breathing and stretching

I'm not over analyzing my 'need.for.food' feeling
But I am staying aware of it
I know in following my food plan I'm giving myself the nutrients I need, once my food for the day is consumed, I'm done. I'll have to make that intellectual decision, since I think 'body' is going to try to control things these next few days.

photo credit