Shaking in my sneakers

Okay it comes as no surprise to me, nor should it to you...I'm scared about tomorrow
I intended to run a 5K back in October, got a couple sponsors, downloaded a podcast...4 weeks in my IT band was screaming and I stopped training

I intended to run THIS 5K tomorrow
Paid the registration fee, downloaded a new podcast
2 weeks in my IT band was screaming and I had to slow down
I decided I could walk it (gasp, that was a HUGE decision) it's a RACE not a stroll, dear.
So I've been walking on the treadmill, and swimming/running laps in the pool
Coming to terms with the fact that WALKING a 5K is still a big deal.
It's a "Princess" 5K so I'm even wearing a Tiara (that's my Babsness peeking out)

But this week I started wondering if I could finish it in time
You have to maintain a 16 min mile pace or better in order to get a completion medal (there are no top honors...everyone who crosses in time gets a medal.
If you can't do that you're a louse.
What if I CAN'T do that.

Well...considering I've signed up before, and paid before...actually SHOWING up would be an improvement from my previous attempts.

So I go to pick up my number this afternoon
My hub and mini me are coming with me tomorrow morning
I'll do my very best
and be proud that I did

ohhhhhh THAT hit a visceral nerve!







I've been a bit snacky today...I've stayed on plan just been munching my food each time I take a break (every hr) which isn't how I normally do it.

Listen body,
Tomorrow we're going to go for a walk, just you and me
Yeah there will be other people there...they may choose to go slower or faster than we do, but that doesn't matter. We'll do the best we can and it will feel great...you remember that awesome 'zappy electric' feeling we get in our legs after we've walked the dogs? Yeah that! And there will be cool stuff to look at because we're 'walking around the world' at Epcot. So, the view will be good, I'm sure the music will rock and we're sure to see some interesting characters (human and costumed!).
Can we run one of these someday, maybe...would I like to, yeah but if you're not okay with that we can find something else to do. We've both enjoyed being in the pool as of late, and we know we love yoga so why don't we do that anymore?

It's okay if tomorrow doesn't work out the way I originally thought it would. I don't think my original thoughts were very realistic anyway...yeah, anyone CAN run a 5K, and someday I might
Tomorrow, I'm honoring my body
Tomorrow, I'm honoring a goal that I set for myself
Tomorrow, I'm saying NO to JOAN!

photo credit

Things to Do (and keep in mind!)

Dear Lou Lou challenged me to follow in Brie's footsteps in a list of 100 things I'd like to accomplish. I totally love this idea and will do it...but 100 seems rather daunting for my intermittent time on line right now so you'll have to settle for this AWESOME list sent by one of my Juilliaaahd buds.
I love it! Especially number 30!

HANDBOOK 2010
Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.

2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.

3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants...

4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy

5. Make time to meditate.

6. Play more games

7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .

8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day

9. Sleep for 7 hours.

10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.



Personality:

11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.

14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

16. Dream more while you are awake

17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.

19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.

20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.

23. Smile and laugh more.

24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.



Society:
25. Call your family often.

26. Each day give something good to others.

27. Forgive everyone for everything.

28. Spend time w/people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.

29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

30. What other people think of you is none of your business.

31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.



Life:
32. Do the right thing!

33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

34. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..

35. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

36. The best is yet to come..

37. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Homework

i've been procrastinating this one so long i forgot the instructions
but it goes along the lines of...
make a list of all the things you know to be true about yourself
but then she said...

make a list of things that are true about you

didja catch the difference?
immediately that was 2 different lists to me

I thought about tracing my body out on some butcher paper and using 2 different colored post it notes to reflect the semantics

but I never got around to that

I have some time between work and therapy...but I really wanna go check out this uber cool thrift shop that is between here and there so I'm going to do that instead

I guess there's a reason I didn't do my homework
although...I am a 'best when under pressure' kinda gal and usually save my homework for the last minute
somehow this feels different
and besides...tonight is a double whammy night individual then group...
I have had a lot of 'stuff' come up this week...so maybe I'll just list that for tonight's session and put the chalk outline on my to do list for this week :)


photo credit 1
photo credit 2

blogaddicition?

Perusing through my blog list the other morning, Sarah's entry caused some interesting thoughts to swirl...

Yesterday my 'run down' post was 100% totally for me.Those simple statements needed to come to life as more than just distant voices and ideas hiding in the recesses of my brain.

It seems to me that thoughts can get stuck
just a 'thought' can get stuck forever a thought
if I had actually spoken to JOAN years ago...I wonder if she would've gone away
I never did...until recently
she was stuck...forever in my thoughts
i've let her out...i've given her 'life' now she can go

It is truly why I blog
I blog for myself
Virtural lurkers may participate at will but I don't write for them
Yes there have been a nanosecond or two where I've thought 'ooh, my hub will read this'  but that (as you can see) wasn't me, it was JOAN...she likes it when I keep things quiet, when she can just stay tucked away with the thoughts where she is comfortable and in control.
Sometimes I try to think of how to say something more poetically, using the trunk of metaphors shoved into the closet that is my head...but that's just because I want to be a better writer.
But when I'm dumping...you know not eating just writing, there is no editor, there is no 'posh language inserted here moment' because my fingers move faster than I can think of the words (must have something to do with that mind/body split thing)

Blogging has replaced my use of food to soothe...instead of turning to the fridge, I open my laptop and spew my feelings out my fingers
I will say that...so maybe it is my replacement addiction
I did, for a while, get caught up in who, when, from where...yada yada and all the stats that can make a blogger feel important

But I do feel important
I'm helping MYSELF
turns out in the process, I may be helping someone else too
I know I get a lot of 'healing' reading other blogs
and can I just tell you...JOAN and ED and all their other cohorts HATE it!
So keep reading, keep writing, keep talking
Live out Loud
Let your thoughts out
I am
and I will keep doing so

the run down

I have been counting points since January 15th 2010
I have stayed on plan since that day
I have not soothed with food since January 10th 2010
I have thought about it
I have not stepped on a scale since January 25th 2010
I do not plan to (of my own accord) until January 25th 2011
I have thought about it

I have clothes that are fitting more comfortably
I look at and appreciate my body daily
I answer JOAN back, out loud, on a regular basis

I am still in therapy
I am finding my Babsness (again)
I am feeling the need for a personal day...and have scheduled several over the next few months
I am excited about healing
I can feel it happen, bit by bit, every day

Great Googly Moogly!

Okay I really wanted to say HOLY SHIT! (but then I thought better of it)
really? It's been 50 days since I last used food to soothe!
man I love my counter thingie!!!

It's just a few days away...

Saturday is my 5K!
I watched the little video on the web page and got a little teary and scared and excited all at the same time. At least I THINK those were the feelings I was experiencing :)

My race starts at 7am

My hub is gonna be at the finish line :)

I have a tiara (thanks to a co worker)
and this ---------------------->
will be my t-shirt
yeah, I know they're giving me a commemorative one...
but I like this better so I bought a tee and some iron on transfer funky paper and VOILA
oh yes... the little 'brand' note on the back between my shoulder blades?
~SayNoToJOAN~

yup...my own clothing line just for me!
tee hee

speaking of clothing...
today i started
(yeah, hub gets home after a week away and blammo...ppttth)
but anyway I digress...
so i pulled out the fat pants
mind you...these barely fit in Dec and it pissed me off coz they're FAT pants...not every day pants
so today was the perfect day for them
and
and
and....they. are. loose!
Yes loose
so loose they're long (because my butt doesn't hold em up as high)

So yeah JOAN started
"ooh see, you should step on the scale! just see...come on just a tiny peek to see! Think of how great it will be AND you're bleeding so it's really even more of a loss than what you'll see!"

Shut up JOAN.
I didn't do it (step on the scale that is)
I only considered it for a second and I don't even think that was me (Babs)
Know why? The pants are enough!

Funny...after that I just kept singin'
'There's a new way to be human...'
I dunno the rest of that song, or if it even fits...but THAT did
and I didn't get on the scale :)


photo credit