Remembering the Journey

I've spent part of my morning reading my blog. I started all the way back at my very first post.
It didn't take me long to realize the intention of this journey is more than just a smaller size.
Losing weight IS a component, but it is not the end all be all.

I asked my hub if he could come up with anything for me this week...just ways in which I have changed, if any, as a result of my journey. He listed a bunch right off the bat...most of them dealing with my strength. My willinginess to stand up for myself in different situations and how MY strength has inspired HIM to be stronger. He says I need to remember the positive effect I have on everyone around me. He also reminded me that it's okay to feel uncomfortable in my body and to want to change it. It's not ALL I want.
He's also glad that Joan isn't around as much, if at all, anymore. He got sorta tired of how much she controlled my every thought...ME TOO...she was overbearing to the NTH degree so I'm glad she's taken up residence outside of earshot.

In my cubicle at work I have the collage that I made.
It's filled with images and statements that reflect what I want(ed) to have or be doing.
Now when I look at it...I DO have or AM doing everything on that poster.
I AM making progress and I've even started collecting clippings for a new poster.

In January I wrote this

List of Changes...not necessarily 2010

• Physical/Health - strong, healthy, realistic shape, managing my gluten intolerance without burden
• Mental Emotional - Say No To JOAN!
• Educational/Academic - finish Bachelors, pursue Masters
• Relationships - honest, open, growing, working, improving, always grounded in love, intentionally pursuing friendships
• Spiritual - deeper, closer, and more transparent
• Professional - blogger, podcaster, teacher, speaker, traveler, healer
• Home - painted, garden, simple, green, co-op

I'm definitely making progress on each point
"Realistic Shape" stands out to me under the first bullet point, not because I equate it with weight loss but because my vision of "realistic" has changed this past year.

A few weeks ago in group we had to visualize what life looks like as "happy."
Who is there, what does it look like, what are you doing, etc...
Then we had to turn and look in a full length mirror
I looked EXACTLY like I do now

At first I was frustrated by that
I saw myself as frumpy
but I had JUST seen myself doing great things with great people
having a great time
feeling ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL
doing things I NEVER thought imaginable in this body (which is really sorta silly)

So the body doesn't bar me from being happy
And Thinner isn't Better
It's okay to want to be a bit more comfortable

Not bad for a Monday
I need to start working on my next collage

Next step...reorient to my intention:
This time, I'm not going to be afraid to include some physical milestones
I think I was so afraid to include them before because to be on a "diet" is a bad thing.
To not be happy in my body is a "bad" thing.
To want to change my body is a "bad" thing.

No it's not...not necessarily
It can be...when it's all I think about or all that motivates me it's in danger of becoming a famous leading lady loved by campy drag queens everywhere.

Otherwise...it's just another aspect to my wholeness
my holistic journey to Babsness