5/23/10

Shape and Size

photo credit
Lately, I haven't obsessed much over food
Joan hasn't spoken in weeks
I haven't really felt bad about my body image or my eating habits
I haven't used food to soothe

Recently, I very matter-of-factly, non judgmentally said "I like my shape, it's my size I'm not crazy about."
I do quite resemble this pear
I'm tiny up top and broad where a broad should be broad.

Years ago I got down to my lowest weight...for all of about a week...then I hovered at 'just low enough to be legal' for about 8 months. I was a leader for an international weight loss chain and had to maintain a certain weight to continue in my position.
When I started reaching out for help from my superiors...because it was getting hard, because I was restricting in unhealthy ways, because even though I practiced what I preached I could not keep my weight down...I got the cold shoulder and I left...and I gained....

That was years ago and a lifetime away from the mindset I have now.
I very matter-of-factly and non judgmentally like my shape and would like to work on my size.
I very honestly think losing 15 pounds would be a good place for me.
Now mind you...15 pounds from now has ALWAYS been "FAT" years ago and a lifetime away from the mindset I have now.

I'm rather proud of this feeling
DID YOU READ THAT?
I just said I was proud?!?!
I didn't even feel an insurmountable urge to backspace and delete it from the page
I felt proud of a feeling
OMG
what an accomplishment.

I think I'll take a cue from George Costanza and call it a day :)

xo

3 comments:

Lou Lou said...

what an awesome post to read babs!!!
really loved reading this, thanks for sharing xoxox

mariposai said...

Babs you are fantastic - more of a good role model than your ex-superiors from the weight loss chain who refused you support. You are very strong and determined and I love reading about your successes :-)

Sarah x

Jennifer said...

I am so proud of you!

And I noticed 2 things - 1 you changed your counter. Cool. and 2, you changed to a full feed! Thanks!