week not quite from hell so what the hell?

This is transition week for me
I'm phasing out of my old job and into a new one
so i guess technically...it could be considered a week from hell
I'm working nights at the new place
a couple of days at the old place...which really isn't old, just less
and the kiddo is still home from school so there's that mom stuff that has to be tended to as well so my schedule is super out of whack

and I started the week with an out of whack hip
it's slowly getting better

but i haven't run but once this week
i'm looking forward to next week ...home during the day with no kids
so i can get back into a routine
the week AFTER That is golden because I finally move into my regular schedule
i did the nights thing for the kids
now it's time for mom!

I think it's time to start my period again
omg the other day i felt and looked 3 months preggo
my boobs...lets' not even talk about how sore they are
my hair for some reason...looks AMAZING..i'll take it
and I'm eating
not so much today
which is weird
but the past few days
and i know it was emotional eating
but I'm not emotional
so hormonal eating?
i dunno

i'm just ready for Monday
tonight I ...
work til 11
will get home around 11:30
will finally fall asleep around 12:30
have to get no later than 8am and finish packing my bag
pack the bananas
pack the parent information
pick up the Bm's Bff at 9am
get to the football field for Jamboree by 10:30am
book check at 11
first game at 12
HOPEFULLY the game is over by 1 or 1:30
then off to the resort at the parks to finally let Bm cash in on her Birthday night
praying the girls will just wanna swim the rest of the day away
i don't even care what my ass looks like in a suit I'm bringing my book and parking myself in a lounge chair while they swim
Sunday I know they wanna hit the park
drop the bff back home by 4pm on Sunday
get home and get acclimated with the fam so the
KIDS CAN START SCHOOL THE NEXT DAY
OMG what a weekend!!!!!

now I'm laughing coz i'm sure MY BFF will be reading this (since she's not allowed to Flickr) and she's setting her sights on a better next week too!
THERE now we can both hold one another accountable :)

I missed my run today

This is my honestly blog right
so honestly
I missed my run today
i didnt skip it intentionally
it lost out to the nap i sorely needed before working a long shift tonight
tried to work last night without a nap...it didn't turn out so hot for me

yeah...I chose to work nights this week so i can be home with the kiddo during her last week of summer break, but i didn't think far enough ahead to plan on waking up early too...hrmph
tomorrow is a jam packed day so I can't even get in a make up run
it'll have to be thursday
which means I'll probably have to spend an extra week on this particular podcast
which is okay because i built in extra weeks before my 5k just in case i needed more time to step up
and I'm not going to beat myself up over it
i didn't NOT exercise because I didn't want to
which is more than I can say for past attempts :)

I finally brought my own food to the center
there's a bunch of crap here
thankfully i can't eat most of it because of the gluten
but the reese's clusters have called my name the past few nights
actually...i called their name, they were just sitting in a bowl

so i brought my stuff tonight
feels good to nourish myself the right way! gotta remember that

success

I lost 2.5 pounds this week!
I started week 3 of my couch to 5k and didn't die the first time I tried it
I love when that happens...when I can do the first day of a week's routine and make it through...it lets me know the rest of the week is doable, and I need doable things right now.

I'm spending time naked
okay I hesitated to type that
but it's true
naked, doing things in the room, folding laundry mostly
but being comfortable in my skin

The Real Me

I am Divine

Spirit teaches me that love is unconditional

to all, for all even if not always by all

I live this

I breathe this

I do all that I can to embody this

but I hate my body

I put conditions on my body

i put conditions on myself

I love God and feel Spirit move through me

Spirit is in me

Spirit is me

so if I hate myself

I hate Spirit

which is the antithesis of all that i believe

all that i am all that i teach all that is fluid in me

My core belief crumbles when facing the mirror

for today can i love myself the way that God loves me?

for today i can love myself the way that God loves me

for today i can find value in all that i am

not who i am because i already value my who

but "that" i am

it's the physical parts that get compartmentalized

in this fluid organic Spirit that I embody, that I love, that I preach, that I live... I lock away the part of me that needs this Spirit the most

i love the person who cuts me off in traffic

i love the person who turns her nose up at my tattoos

i love the child who is being belligerent

i love the spouse who searches for answers in the alphabet store

i love the parent who knows best

i love the co-worker who never gets it right

i love the bill collector who harrasses me

i love the neighbor who judges me

i love the person in the seat next to me who smells bad and talks too loud

i love the person who hates me

i love the me who hates me

i'm working on that last one

i'm calling all Spirit to guide me

raise my consciousness and help me see the beauty in this body

this body that is called to do so much

this body that is the vessel of my Divine Spark

this body that serves an ultimate purpose right here, right now, every day and every day on

this body that is screaming to be loved

this body that is making itself more and more apparent that i might glimpse its being and value its worth

this body

my body

the body of God

the precious one

the child

the chosen

the created

the creator

the author and actor

the writer and director

an authentic self is the most personal form of worship

an authentic self is true

my self revolves around my belief

my core belief crumbles when faced with a mirror

i obviously had an issue

last night

i binged

a nutty bar

2 oatmeal cream pies

the equivalent of 2 gluten free brownies (crumbs...yes they count)

then a bowl of corn chips and queso

it was the day after my period ended

I have the remnants of a menstrual migraine that hung around all week

I couldn't explain why I was hungry

I wasnt

actually felt like I was medicating

I have my annual with the obgyn next week

she's a weight loss specialist too

i'm interested to know what she'll say

my binges definitely fall around my p-days

before and after usually

not during

but i'm still running

and still loving it

my belly is big and soft

not loving that so much

but the hub says i'm losing

suppose i should trust the hub more than the scale

because I'm still running

and still loving it

at least I know when my food issues come up

so that means I know when I have a choice

because when I binge, I feel like I have no choice (inside) even though my brain TRIES to exude a choice

so the weeks when I have some control...I'll harness it

and the weeks I don't, I'll learn

because I love me

and I'm still running

Week 2 Day 1

I was nervous this morning

I had to "kick it up a notch"

90 second running intervals

but it was actually great

again...I love the sweating part

I totally soaked my shirt

it was awesome

i did it right after my morning coffee

we WERE gonna get up and ride our bikes to the farmer's market

but no one else got up

and before my chair sucked me in and drained me of my morning

i got up, got dressed, stretched and got going

woot woot!

and to top it off...we wound up going for a bike ride today too

that was an uber teaser for me though

I LOVE to cycle ...my kids aren't that good at it and I guess I'm not good at giving directions so it was just enough to get me pumped

so i'll keep that pumped feeling and apply it some other day

my hub said he'd join me

so I'll have to make that happen

I like it when day 1 of a new week doesn't KILL me

it was still work...but I did it

that gives me the promise of a week of accomplishment to look forward to!

In other news

i keep gaining weight

my belly has gotten bigger and gushier

i'm gonna check back on it after my period is over and see if that changes

at least i'm moving aerobically for 30 minutes 3 times a week

it's a start

OHHHH and a new yoga place opened up near home

yay