I was THAT girl...I'm the one that cried
and I have a whole lot to say about my experience...but right now there are more pressing things on my mind.
I'm wrestling with the same old demons about going out tonight. My hub and I are headed to 'poker night' at a friend's house from our old church. Love the friends still close.
I keep hearing that I would just rather hang out with my hub.
I'm going to do something that I don't know how to do (play poker) with people I haven't seen in a long time (I was the worship leader at this church for 6 years...my hub and I were married there...)I'm putting myself in a situation where there will be food for easy grazing/soothing and I'm starting to shrink inside
I know I have to go
the only way I get through these things is to go through them
I do have to work in the morning, and again tomorrow night
It has been a long week and my hub will be gone for a week starting on Sunday
Am I just making up excuses or are those valid reasons to politely excuse myself?
I'm not sure what to do about the food thing I'm thinking maybe I should eat
ahead of time then bring some safe stuff to munch? But I don't want to
mindlessly munch...
Weight watchers teaches you to eat something before you go to a party or an event where there will be food so you're full and not tempted to eat
Ahem...that just means I'll eat twice.
After lunch...I have 10.5 points left for the day/week and my week ends today
What if this really is something I'm not ready for yet
What if this isn't just JOAN keeping me from doing something fun but a situation I'm not strong enough for?
I've told my date...so he knows and he understands
I think I wanna get something 'safe' to drink...coz I'll just mindlessly drink if I don't let myself eat ...maybe some sparking water? I dunno?!?!?!
I haven't heard MY OWN voice enough to know what it sounds like
Just yesterday in therapy Tara and I discussed whether there was ever a time when I said NO
Do I ever remember standing up for myself...and I really can't...maybe when I was alone I'd say "I do SO know what I'm talking about" towards my mom or my sister but I never said it to JOAN...even my pinky toe agreed with her...even way back then
trying to plan
ugh...it's hard to let Babs win!
This has been an anxiety attack waiting to happen
If I screw up tonight, after this emotional week...and my hub is gone all week next week...i'm just TOTALLY setting myself up for failure. And while this may sound like something JOAN would say...the tears coming to my eyes are saying either way I need to pay attention
My hub and I just decided not to go, we're gonna have some us time tonight (since we have no kids tonight either)...I'll get my love language in extra doses to make it through to next weekend :)
I'm gonna tell our host the truth...I trust her enough to share this piece of me
That, and the more I'm honest about my reasons, the more I know it's me making the decisions
JOAN would lie
Babs does not
how many days has it been???
I need to keep looking up
2 comments:
Good for you. Honesty is a good policy, and people continue to surprise me with how understanding they can actually be when you tell them straight.
I'm glad you went with what felt right for YOU.
Sarah x
Thanks Sarah!
Me too...I knew it was right once I decided it...i felt the release immediately
:)
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