Meeting

Went to an OA meeting tonight
JOAN kept trying to talk me out of it but I had already decided I was going
My heart raced as I rode the elevator down a level
I anxiously looked at each of the door markers to find the right room

I finally did and walked the seemingly ridiculously long hallway into the room

There was one man sitting there (he looked like retro-devil)

"Is this the OA meeting?"
"I don't know, I'm here for an HOA meeting..."

My heart sank
I wandered back down the forever long hallway to the room agenda posting
7pm - 8pm Overeater's Anonymous - Bradford room
...in rushed JOAN
See, you're not supposed to be here, how stupid of you to think this would work
Well, lucky for you because you were just going to be surrounded by a bunch of loser cry-babies and you're too good for that...

I breathed, deeply
I looked at the pictures on the bulletin board
I peeked into the other rooms
Then I decided that since devil man didn't even know if he was in the right room, we could both go wait in the wrong room together...
So I waited...
He started talking about HOA stuff, purple houses and bad lawns
I just waited

I was in the right room
The facilitator was late...but several other folks showed up
JOAN talked the whole meeting long
"Oh my GOD would she stop blabbering"
"Look, see, you're not as fat as them, you don't need to be here'
"Oh GEEZ you KNOW all this higher power stuff"
"Really, we're all gonna read aloud from the Big Book...come on Babetta this is beneath even YOU"

Then it came time to share
So far...admittedly I'd really been tuned into JOAN
I made eye contact with people when they talked
I TRIED to pay attention to them...but JOAN had my ear.

Then someone said it
"My name is Mary* and I'm a compulsive overeater"
"Hi Mary"

My heart skipped a beat
She said that out loud

I listened to other people share
knowing I had to say something
JOAN just kept reminding me that I was new and no one wanted to hear what I had to say

"My name is Babetta and I'm a compulsive overeater" *lip quiver and a bit of a tear*
"I think I just needed to say that out loud"

I shared a little bit more and I leaked some tears

JOAN is still talking to me
telling me it's not the right place for me and all the reasons why
I think I'll go back...just because she hates it so much

photo credit
*name changed