Mom in the mirror

It's not a bad thing...

If you knew my mother...you wouldn't mind looking like her too

but today I see myself in the screen (I'm on screen all day)

and the other day I saw myself in the mirror and thought

"yup...gonnabe40soonmombody'

but it wasn't really a bad thing

it was an acceptance thing

NO, I don't want to be an overweight, tired, lazy, eating bonbons kinda mom body

but for the first time that I can recall...I wasn't looking at myself through the "you should be a desperate housewife" kinda mom body

I think that's a better starting point

I'm coming into acceptance of being older (mind you, I've never had a desperate housewife kinda body)

but I think i've always had a distorted ideal

strike that

I KNOW I've always had a distorted ideal

even when I was at a healthy weight...I felt fat and complained about being fat

Today I do feel fat

I've complained, in my brain, about being fat

clothes that fit me...just last month, not 4 years ago...are not comfortable

so there is action that needs to be taken

but this time, the finish line looks a little different...and maybe, a bit more attainable?

Merry Christmas