That was my fortune in my fortune cookie last night
I didn't eat it (not because i'm depriving myself of cookies) because it probably contained gluten so my hub did the honors for me :)
I'm really loving this new sensation going on inside of me
I'm getting my selves in alignment so they can both (all) want the same thing and move closer to attaining it
Today I envisioned my dream self ...I can only see her full body from behind right now although I can see her face, neck and shoulders otherwise...anyway I "stepped into her" to try her on...immediately I sat up taller and could feel that I am a yogini again and felt like I had an internal groove...was jammin to something on the radio or some similar activity.
Then...I had to see if there was anything inside me that didn't feel comfortable in this new me and find it in my torso (because emotions hide in the torso...so if you find the discomfort in your toe, you're disconnecting!) So there it was, right at the base of my sternum (dang heart chakra)
I couldn't put a name to it just then but that's okay
whatever it is ...it's the piece that's not in alignment with the rest of me...the thing keeping me from moving forward 5 years.
Next, I physically removed it, I reached right in and pulled it out, held it in front of me and looked at it. I thanked it for sharing it's feelings with me.
I cant really describe what it looked like...I just got the feeling it was fuzzy, almost like a very small puppy or kitten.
After thanking it, I asked what gift it's trying to share with me? (remember, every behavior has a positive intention, a gift to yourself) and the first thing that came to my mind was protection
I tried not to dig too deeply...I see my rad counselor tomorrow and she helps me dig deeper, I just dig up :) But I did prod a bit more...protection from? failure
If you never try, you can't be hurt when you fail
ouch...little fuzzy at the bottom of my sternum isn't very fuzzy anymore
so this will be a good session
we have:
tug of war and fuzzy
I still love the tug of war metaphor because it gives me a reason, a name to my pain and fatigue...and several months ago in one of my blogs I mentioned the worst part was not knowing...I know now (and knowing is half the battle...sorry, couldn't resist)
fuzzy is okay too...there's something there coz it's like a kick to the chest but I'm just gonna hold it and love it and keep it close and together we can find new ways of protecting myself
OH YEAH
weeks ago I was supposed to come up with some artistic representation of my 7 year old self and my 11ish year old self
well my 7 year old self is a packet of sunflower seeds...not the whole packet, but because the picture of this particular type of sunflower is absolutely what I think of when I think of 7 year old me
so tomorrow I'll have some time before work and my appointment and there just happens to be a Lowes in between...I'll go peruse the seed racks for my 11 year old
:)
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