Last night he was transferred to a rehabilitation facility to help him regain his strength and receive physical therapy and hopefully transition back home.
A few days ago he was okay with this idea, he agreed that he could not live in his trailer in his condition and was not strong enough to live on his own.
Last night, he was NOT okay with the idea.
I joke that it is because he had a male intake nurse and he thrives on flirting and joking with his nursing staff (really a psychological coping mechanism)
At 2:40 this morning...after working until 11 and not getting home until midnight, I received an ANGRY (all caps) text from Dad demanding to go home right away.
I ignored it
So at 3:10am I received a not so angry (regular text) text from Dad demanding to go home right away.
At 8am I told him I couldn't bring him home because "I have to work, If I don't go to work, I lose my job"
At 9am he said..."Okay honey, have a good day, love Dad"
arrrrrgh
then it hit me
My dad has not been allowed free range with food since the day before Thanksgiving.
Like me, his coping mechanism is food, eating whatever and whenever he wants.
He's been eating "good" while in the hospital...always mentioning that he orders a fruit cup at every meal and reminding me that he doesn't even finish his whole plate...like it's a badge of honor.
He's good in front of people, and FEEDS when he's alone
He hasn't been able to FEED
He doesn't have any other coping strategies
He's tweaking.
I understand Daddy
I've never been refused my drug of choice
I would tweak too
I'm not sorry you are where you are...I know you will be better because of it
I am sorry there is no professional help for you psychologically so you can understand WHY you are tweaking.
I know you don't want to understand
I know you just want to be home with your apple fritters and the chair you cannot get out of alone without pain
I know that THAT pain is more comfortable than the fear you have now
I understand Daddy
and I love you.
2 comments:
I can understand your dad's struggle. I have that one myself. I would take it as a blessing in disguise to not have open access to the food, but it'd be tough in the meantime wouldn't it.
I'm sorry your getting the brunt. Keep going, you're a good daughter.
Thanks Ursula...I know I've often DREAMED of being sent away to 'rehab' where I HAD to face my demons and hopefully finally recover...but you're right I'm sure the struggle getting through would be very tough.
I have my second counselling appointment today...another layer of the onion...and I'm okay with crying.
Have a blessed day!
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