(I use the masculine pronoun today because it's how I hear today's message, there are times I will use the feminine pronoun when sharing my thoughts on the Creator of all things...please don't take offense to either)
Jesus is there, holding out His hand, I just have to step out of the boat
Then, if I do make the decision to step out of the boat, I have to STAY out of the boat and keep my eyes fixed on Him...or sink...oh me of little faith.
I'm sure if I thought about it long enough I could recount plenty of times I wouldn't THINK of getting out of the boat...and more times than not there were BAD things in the boat with me but I still wouldn't leave (or I'd intentionally stay...which is probably worse!)
I'm sure too, there are times I can remember dipping my toes into the water...funny, there are so many of those times I thought were "mountain top" experiences as they were happening...even the tiniest tip of my toe, faith of a mustard seed or the hem of His robe...was enough to leave me sailing in faith for days, weeks, months...
There have been a couple times that I've actually stepped out...and barely caught my breath before going under...those times scared me, but encouraged me more than anything.
I remember overwhelming fear
really, fear that made me duck under windows as I walked through my house even though I had no earthly enemies. I remember fear and foreboading surrounding my daughter when she was little and my husband after we were first married.
I don't have those kind of fears anymore. Well, not as regularly...there are still times when the house is dark and I have yet to make it to the bedroom door that I think there might be a presence behind me and pick up my step a bit...but they're not looming fears.
I've gotten rid of my fears on purpose.
I've intentionally told them to go back to their source
I've yelled at the devil, I've asked Jesus to get the door when the devil was knocking
I've recited scripture
I've used "fear is not from God" as a mantra more times than I can remember
even just to hear myself say it so I couldn't think about the fear
So now, when life is full of what should be amazingly fearful...I feel strong
still scared, of course...but strong and capable
I remember when God first spoke to my heart about tithing...years ago
and he's still talking to me...loud and clear today
my lessons in tithing have mirrored my spritual journey
I can have all the things God has promised me...I have to give them away first
Money, one of the hardest things for our flesh to understand...is still a tangible thing
once I could trust with something tangible...man, the understanding I've gained over the intangible has been amazing.
So...in comes a new test with the tangible
how easy is it for us to stop giving when we're afraid we don't have enough?
When I first started giving (to God...it may have been physically given to my church but it was given to God) there were many times I'd look at my check book register and wonder how it was all going to work. My promise was "my first check to God." So when I got paid, immediately after I wrote in my deposit, I wrote my check in my promised percentage for that week's gift. I'd look at what was left to go out...and what I had left in and often said out loud, "I dunno how you're going to do it but I'm keeping my word so you keep yours."
And it always worked out...there were always provisions and then some.
There have been times in the past few years when I have slipped up...when my logic got in the way of my faith and I fell behind in my giving.
When it came time for stewardship campaign this year, I shared my perspective on giving one Sunday. I always pray about my gift before I pledge but this year I spent extra time before filling out my pledge card back in November. This is the first time I didn't pledge a percentage but a dollar amount.
Early this spring, my hours were cut at work...I toyed with going to a percentage of what was left of my pay rather than my pledged amount...I toyed for all of about 2 minutes because it was very quickly obvious that I was supposed to stick to my pledge.
Early this month, my husband lost his job...geesh talk about a financial hit
Talk about EVERYONE understanding if we couldn't meet our pledge
But I only wavered for a minute in wondering whether or not to write my check
Last week after finishing all the bills and looking at what was left, I got my first dose of real fear for this extremely tangible situation
But Sunday came, and I knew...write the check
Step out of the boat and fix your eyes on me
do not sink...ye of little faith
but step out... well done good and faithful servant, you have been faithful with a little, now see how much more I will bless you with. (paraphrase)
Strength to give through the storm
and not just money...although the money part is definitely one of the things I'm working on now... but give anything
give love when someone is grumpy
give patience when I just don't have the time
give understanding when I think you're wrong
give time when I'm just too busy
give more when I already feel like you're not doing enough
give a kind word when it's easier not to
to be faithful with the little things...the extra hug to the kid who needs it, the "shutting of my mouth" and listening rather than correcting, stopping and spending a few minutes with you instead of my computer, yes, you can help me with dinner; yes, I would love to play catch with you; yes, you can have dinner with your girlfriend's family... faithful with the little things and look how much more you will be blessed with...
I'm being faithful with something today that in the grand scheme of things is probably trivial but is HUGE to me
I visit a counselor to begin working on my compulsive eating disorder
I know that I am ready because I have said so, I have typed so, I have written so, and I would never even admit so before...
Just because I am ready doesn't mean it will not be hard
Just because I understand doesn't mean that I will not waver
Just because I am ready does not mean I will understand how it's all supposed to work out at the end of the week
but...I don't have to know what will happen after I step out of the boat
I just have to step out of the boat and fix my eyes on the prize
the promise that there is better, that there are more blessings if I am faithful with the little things...even when they seem big
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