B-I-N GE, B-I-N GE, B-I-N GE

the feeling overtakes me

I felt it coming on this morning

I really wanted some peanut butter patties (Girl Scout Cookies)

Actually, I really wanted an entire box of cookies...I could ramble on about how that's not very many since the quantity has been reduced to only 16 cookies per box but REALLY...

I would've eaten an entire box if given the opportunity

Angelic Adversaries got in the way, I ate one...which is good since they are gluten laden...

But the B-I-N-GE song played on in my head.

I have a sinus headache from hell

I didn't really eat a lunch (now that I think about it, I don't think I ate breakfast either...I was focused on aforementioned cookies and time got away from me while I was plotting)

I visited the dog again tonight and gave him a good rub down and then headed home...I was supposed to have class tonight but my stuffed up head feels like a balloon that has reached it's inflation limit so I took my "gimmie" and took a sick day. So that means there's nothing planned for dinner...well there were plans, but not ones that included me. I had left nuggets and tots for the hub and the wee...they like em, I can't eat em, they're easy to make so they're great for "mom's got school" nights.

I haven't grocery shopped yet this week either because we really do have plenty to choose from

well...if you can eat anything in the cabinets or don't mind the preparation time...neither of those apply to me.

So I had a bag (not a mini bag and not a full size bag...i think they're called "big grabs" or something like that) of Carmel covered corn-type chip things...no gluten so I won't be physically suffering that way...but oh the other ways

and you know, after the 3rd or 4th handful

I didn't even taste them anymore

I even said, outloud in my car, I can't even taste these...as I kept munching

Instead, I listened to the crunching sound

I must find a certain amount of pleasure in that sound because it provided impetus to keep eating.

There is so much to the act of eating

all of the senses are involved and then some.

I'm sure there's something in the "success" of the whole thing

I had the bag eaten and tucked away in the trash bag before I made it home....even had the remnants out of my teeth

My GAWD how pathetic does that sound?

Oh Oh Oh...and the piece of paper listing the 4 counselors I'm supposed to screen by phone, choose one and make an appointment with...the paper is gone

cannot find it

cannot remember where I put it

THOUGHT i remembered where I had it last but it is not there

Yes...it sounds like yet another excuse and somewhere some little Id gremlin is dancing a victory dance

I finally stopped looking...because I don't really ever do anything on my own anyway and said "God, You know where it is, just show me okay?"

So it'll show up...or I can try the EAP line again and hope the lady I spoke with the other day made notes in some sort of computer file attached to my name

Or I can just go to the chick who has a website

yeah she's younger than me but

she has a cool philosophy

she's in great shape (that's gotta mean something when you're tackling and eating disorder)

and I know how to find her

So here it is, another day has gone by

Less has gotten done

Did i mention I HATE Prozac (that should be a post all to itself)

I managed to mindlessly eat and treat myself as insignificant

Man, I sure hope I don't pass this on to my kid

I want a personal life assistant

one who makes sure all my calls get made

all my bills get paid

all the laundry gets folded

the floor gets swept

but more importantly that there is always something in the house that I CAN eat that is nourishing and that I DO eat when I'm supposed to...

Yeah, we can all dream

I swear, I'd kill for a grilled cheese sandwich right now

and that's not a bad thing

except we don't have any gluten free bread

which is probably why I want the thing

oy