What she did was bratty
she was protecting me
that's what she does
and she at the cheese
all but one slice
thank goodness there were only 6 slices
My birthday wish?
Well originally my birthday wish was No cable for the summer
I knew that would get the big kibosh
So after several modifications I came up with
No TV on during dinner for one month
This didn't used to be an issue...we pretty much always ate at the table together
it's slipped away from us so I thought I'd try to ressurect it
So tonight
chili for dinner
#1son is at a friends house
hub pruned his feet working in the rain and doesn't want to get out of his chair
middle one does whatever hub does and blames it on the fact that #1son isn't here
I ate at the table anyway
Bm ate with me...but faced the TV
but she remembered, she said "I thought we were eating together"
little me...she ate the cheese
a slice in the middle of the bowl
a slice on top of the bowl
mix it in
not enough
2 more slices on top
mix it in
good
then one slice just to eat
there's one left
Then Me recognizes that there might not be anymore cheese left
and hub and middleone haven't fixed their food yet
So I'm rewinding and replaying the instance in my mind
Instead of thinking about what did happen and replaying that negative energy
I'm creating the solution and replaying the positive energy
I recognize that what I want is for everyone to have dinner together at the table
My family is not made up of mind readers, my sulking and hinting won't speak my words
"Dinner's ready, everyone wash your hands and fix your bowl. I'll get drinks for everyone, what would you like" I'd put the drinks on the table and make it inviting.
I also need to remember that No TV during dinner was my birthday wish
I put it out there
what they decide to do with it is up to them
6 comments:
I'm surprised your family hasn't always eaten dinner together at the table, sans tv. It seemed like the kind of thing you would have done. Hooray for you to getting back to family meal time!
Oh Jennifer we totally were
somehow it's managed to slip a little over the past year or so.
It could be the activities the kids are in (sometimes not getting home from practice til 7 or 8) or it could be like my hub said last night (yes, I talked to him) there are times we're not all hungry at the same time.
Whatever it is...I'm figuring it out
If I can't make a MEAL happen, then I'll find another reason to get around the table together every day :)
game night around the table!
"I also need to remember that No TV during dinner was my birthday wish. I put it out there, what they decide to do with it is up to them."
i'm still chewing on this one. so you made your wishes known and if they don't honor it, you're prepared to feel nothing toward it?
We do game night and wii night...so that's two :)
feel nothing toward it is probably pretty harsh
I'm sure I'll feel something
but I can't be angry with them if they choose not to honor my wish I mean heck, I don't have a pony or a rockstar 2000 electric guitar either.
Just because we ask for it doesn't mean we get it
BUT
My focus in all of this is that I ASKED FOR WHAT I WANTED. That's big for me.
Last year I asked them all to spend 30 minutes a day with my sign language video series sitcom because it would help me if they could communicate with my parents on their own...and they watch more tan 30 minutes of family sitcoms already
I put the box out by the tv, that's as far as it went.
They chose not to
It's all good. It just changes how I choose to handle visits with my family.
Family time can be tough. I used to require that everyone sit together while B and I ate, even if they weren't interested. We called it "being sociable." Eventually they would eat something (if not what we were eating) and now that we are all adults we love opportunities to sit around and be sociable. When they were younger we had a game we played. We called it "you will enjoy this." We had a night with a couple while we were traveling in Hawaii when I was pregnant with secoundus. We laughed the whole time telling stories about our families and our kid(s) (we only had one 2 year old at the time). They talked about making their kids go places with them and telling them that they would smile and they would enjoy themselves. It came to be a game and it worked, they got their kids to go places with them, eventually willingly. We probably never explained but the fact that B and I would look at each other and laugh when we said this usually got them wondering what was so funny and forgetting that they didn't want to do whatever it was we wanted them to do.
You know...In all this I realize how much we actually DO together. We have lots of family time and enjoy one another.
So the deeper I dig (heh, I just typed digger I dep) i'm realizing the source of my discontent. The first layer is telling me that what I want is appreciation for nourishing my family. I feel this a lot. Not just when I'm cooking but for the different things that I do in order to encourage and "feed" my family.
A deeper level resonates with this feeling...good thing I go to see the great counselor tomorrow :)
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