7/15/09

Great session

Have I mentioned I love my counselor
she's awesome
I'm so glad I took the plunge

tonight wasn't so much about me...well it was...but it revolved around Bm

I DO NOT want to parent out of fear
I find myself doing that whenever she and I talk about body image or food issues

Bm often asks for a sweet at night
usually it's ice cream
and I've been trying to squash that
asking her what she "really" wants
turns out she probably just really wants something sweet

she's not like me
she CAN eat just one cookie
she Can eat SOME ice cream out of the container each night and have her quart last a week
she doesn't have to have a tiny container
she has restraint

So I need to let go
if she can't have it coz I can't afford it
that's one thing
but I don't need to "police" her intake
because she doesn't have my problem
it's my problem

Funny, it's actually a routine of hers
a routine! yes she has a routine so it IS possible
(she seems to be a flighty, fly by the seat of her pants kinda kid unless it's something she is uber focused on like reading or cheering or fashion design)
So *glimmer of hope* this new intention of mine to develop some new coping skills for her Aspie symptoms just got some encouragement :)

mindfulness of what goes in (and out) of my mouth
turns out they are very intricately connected
when there is something that I need to let out of my mouth, but am reticent to (for whatever reason) the "hand to mouth" behavior happens
when I let the something out of my mouth
the "hand to mouth" behavior stops
direct connection

good to know

I'm still being mindful
this week...mindful of eating within my means
yes, I'm looking at it financially...what if I ONLY had this to eat
I'm "training" myself to find satisfaction in what I have

Like now...
tonight I had therapy after work
I knew I would have to "eat on the road"
I gave myself a $5.00 budget
stopped and bought some sushi from the grocery store (with a penny to spare!)
enjoyed my sushi before my appointment
satisfied

I'm home
there is food available
the family ate something gluten-laden, so I can't have that (yes, that was intentional)
but there are other things I could eat
But I've had my dinner
I could say I'm a little bit hungry
but in all actuality, my body is nourished (according to what it needs) and my "hunger" seems to be stemming from my mouth...not my tummy
so I will not eat

the food that is here is meant for the rest of the week
it has purpose
would we make it the rest of the week if I ate some
yeah probably
but that's not the point.

Besides...it's 10:15 and I should be readying the bed...not a plate :)
So that's what I'll do

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