A calculator can ruin your day if your checkbook register doesn't add up the way you think it should but typically it lives in a drawer where it is easily found for kids' math homework, grocery shopping, bill paying and tip configuring.
A clock can ruin your day if the alarm goes off before you were ready, but otherwise is pretty reliable and even helpful at times.
A phone can get in the way if you spend more time talking on it than talking TO people face to face...but we can all admit they're pretty much a necessity these days.
Oven timers, cable boxes, stop watches, remote control devices...all of em, just box shaped things with numbers on them. Not earth shattering, not mind blowing, not extremely significant, although convenient.
So why then, does SO Much hang in the balance over a scale?!
JOAN started talking again this morning.
If you remember the Doctor's office Scale incident, you'll know that today was the day for my follow-up visit. You'll be happy to know that my lungs are clear and I'm nearly 100% after last week's bout with bronchitis.
You'll also be proud to hear that I've done very well sticking to my points every day for the past week and haven't felt deprived IN THE LEAST. I've been to the gym 4 times this week and have a week of Chubby Jones Couch to 5k under my belt.
But...if you remember correctly, the whole reason I started counting points again is because of the fuss my dear doc made over the fact that 2009 brought with it 13 lbs.
It was a challenge.
I knew I would be back in a week and I knew I could SHOW her!
So I went back
And I DID show her.
I lost 2 lbs this week!
SHE DIDN'T EVEN FRICKIN NOTICE
She didn't say a word!
She just asked me about my tattoos.
It didn't take JOAN long to jump on THAT.
You see dear, no one cares, no one cares because they've seen it all before. You're not going to make it, you'll just give up again. See dear, you're already thinking about what you'll eat for breakfast. You really should stop this silly charade. I mean, look at you...you even thought wearing the EXACT same clothes as you wore last week would make a difference.
How effed up is THAT! I lost 2 lbs and I STILL let the voices start working on me.
Where's the voice that said HOO RAH! Way to go Babs look what you did?
Where's the voice that says this is about how YOU feel and what YOU'RE doing for YOURSELF.
JOAN strangled her this morning she lurks in the wings and sucks the life out of me. She pulls out all those old tapes and replays them LOUDLY...no JOAN doesn't even have an iPod and the tapes are stretched and worn thin and the noise is distorted but it settles deep in my bones, it has a home there and it knows just where to go.
It's times like these that I NEED a plan
I have to have some routine to fall back on
something that is straight up muscle memory that pushes me through or the voices win. I admit, I wanted it to be 3, 4 or 5 lbs that I lost this week...I need to work on my delayed gratification!
JOAN didn't win this morning. She's still talking, Oh I'm not done yet, dear. You can type all you want but you know, yes YOU know that in the end I am right, I am always right.
SHUT UP JOAN
Today I came home and I made a great breakfast
I journaled my food
I'm WRITING my feelings instead of eating them.
I have PLANNED to have a smoothie from Planet Smoothie today and I will, without feeling guilty and within my points allowance.
I am proud of myself
I chose a plan for the week and I stuck with it
I added 1/4 mile to my running time in just one week
I lost 2 lbs this week HOO RAH!
I admit I am struggling and am at risk for a binge today....but the numbers at the top of the page remind me it's been almost 12 days since I last used food to soothe and those are numbers I DO want to increase.
So,
I'm still going to count my points
having a daily plan is good for me, it keeps me focused
When I plan out my food, I pack my food and I stay nourished which is important for MORE than just my weight...I've also been completely gluten-free so it helps my health too.
I'm definitely still training for my 5k...I even got my Tiara! (heck it is a PRINCESS 5k after all!) and running makes me feel good...it makes me sweat, and I LIKE to sweat.
I am, however, NOT stepping on the scale again
I mean I know that if I go to the doctor for something I have to
but I packed away our home scale months ago and it is an effort to take it out and plug it in...I did this intentionally so I would stay off it (confessions of a former scale junkie)
It's just a box with numbers
It doesn't change my life
It doesn't make or break my day
I choose to do that
and today I choose MAKE
**JOAN speak
2 comments:
Did you know you don't HAVE TO step on the scale at the doctor's office. They don't need to know your weight every time. Sure, it is useful to track it from a pregnancy standpoint or if you have a related medical condition, but going in for bronchitis, you could probably skip it. Not sure that helps now, but maybe next time you'll just politely say no thank you when the ask you to step onto the box.
Yeah, my counselor suggested today that I weigh 'backwards' from now on and request that the information not be shared with me
Geee! Why didn't I think of that! :)
Post a Comment