Feeling Dump

I don't feel like going to the gym today after work- I AM going to the gym today after work, I WILL change into my gym clothes before I even leave the building.

I have been taking a 2nd look at candy in the candy jar for a day or two now
I haven't eaten any, I've mentally told myself to 'step away from the (insert vile temptation here)...but I do recognize that I'm looking more...getting close to my period? Maybe, another thing to watch

I won't be dumping formaldehyde on my head
or getting #1son's room or the living room painted by someone else
because the money needs to be put to other things
I'm miffed about that even though I know it's right

It's probably why I've been vacillating about the hair in the first place...although I wonder how much good I do with the BS/ACV routine on my head ...would probably cancel it out TOTALLY with the formaldehyde.

I know we could paint the rooms ourselves...but we haven't, for over a year and I just want it done already

I hate coming home and seeing us in several 1/2 completed projects
I hate it more this week for some reason...so maybe I am premenstrual
I just want to come home and have it finished and move on
just blink and done!
It's a luxury we can't afford right now, we're just trying to stay afloat...ends always meet, but sometimes not on time so it's a harried game of catch up and I wanna sit out this round.

It's hard for me to muster up the gratitude in paying the mortgage when I hate the house I come home to.
It's hard for me to say I "hate" it because it is the house that God gave us and more often than not I love it.
I just hate the condition its in this week and needed a place to dump that feeling so I don't eat it...because I hear JOAN walking down the hall and I'm really not in the mood for her shit today.

Things I just need to learn to get over

I hate when there are dishes in the sink
I hate when there are clothes on the floor
I hate that the porch becomes a weigh station
I hate that the counter in the kitchen closest to the friggin garbage can and recycling bins is a weigh station for recycleables and garbage
I hate the dustbunnies that have taken up permanent residence in the corners of the floor
I hate that I hate all these trivial things and that I let them get to me
they don't bother other people nearly as much (yes I know there are those of you like me out there but really...we're done in by our own stupid strive for perfection)
I hate that the things I hate make me grumpy and irritable and unpleasant
I hate that I set my standards so frickin high
I hate that it only seems to bother me REALLY badly sometimes because that makes me seem like uberbitch
I accept it, (mind you, not condone...just pick my battles) and find gratitude regularly
then a switch flips and blammo my face says "I only love you when you do what you're not a lazy slob"

Dammmmmnnn that sounds like JOAN
I don't want my hub or my kids to feel that way
I catch myself and rephrase or apologize, but not nearly enough
I try to explain what is causing my actions...but it doesn't excuse them
ughhhh I hate this feeling


UPDATE: later on this morning...
So, we are going to have a friend come price the painting (fingers crossed this will work!)
and it seems as though I'm not the only one who feels this way lately

I wonder where the whole idea of Spring Cleaning comes from
After being cooped up in the house to hide from the chill in the air...women around the globe throw open their curtains, prop open the doors and declare war on the stuffy forced air and messy linen closets with blankets tossed wherever they landed!
Power to the people!

or something like that
I'm feeling a bit more like going to the gym, should be fired up and ready by the time my shift ends at 3

feeling better...it's a process

photo credit photo credit 2